Beauty, yes, that beauty, had become a hidden ailment in my heart that ached at the slightest touch. Everything that happened on Dongting Lake, both obvious and subtle, flooded into my mind like a raging river.
"A woman so beautiful, any man would be tempted. Compared to her, you're simply too far behind," he shook his head, feigning regret and pity, "If I didn't want to take advantage of the chaos to get away, I would gladly steal more glances at her! Give up, you're no longer the first in his heart, and he'll forget you completely before long!"
"Shut up, shut up!" I covered my ears, yelling angrily at him, "You're talking nonsense! What do you know? He will come to rescue me, he will definitely come to rescue me!"
His nonsense poked my greatest fear, hitting home with precision and cruelty.
Since that summer night thirty years ago, I've grown accustomed to his care, to his doting, and to treating him as my entire world.
If he forgets me for even an instant, my world will be destroyed in the next instant.
At that moment, how I wished I were a demon with slow and inaccurate feelings, and all of this was just a foolish speculation spurred by fear and helplessness. How could Zimiao possibly forget me? Thirty years of sunrises and sunsets, thirty years of being together day and night, I was the only one by his side, the only one!
That's it! I'm too foolish, so foolish that I actually doubted Zimiao! He will come, he will definitely come! What beauty in his arms? Only those ordinary folk are bewitched by beauty. He is an immortal, how can he wallow in the mire with those common people?! He saved that woman first, maybe simply because she is a mortal who has a flesh and blood body. Compared to a demon like me, she is indeed much more fragile, so it's reasonable for him to put her before me.
I silently looked for reasons to convince myself, and firmed up my thoughts, casting all other distracting thoughts to hell! I believed in him, I'd always believed in him, nothing and no one could shake my trust in him.
He looked at me, silent and unresponsive, thinking that his blow to me had worked. A hint of satisfaction crossed his face as he said, "Shout all you want, no matter how loud you shout, it won't change the fact that he won't come until the day you turn to dust. But if you're willing to beg me, perhaps I might agree to bring his corpse back to you in the future to let you see him, to fulfill your wish."
This time, I was no longer angry or frantic. I looked up at him, giving him the brightest smile I could muster, "I trust him."
"You..." he furrowed his brows.
My sudden calmness probably disappointed this thing again.
Turning my head, the bright opening of the cave still shone before my eyes, that bit of light tempting me to entertain thoughts of escape once more.
If given the choice, I would rather escape back to him myself than sit here waiting for him to rescue me.
Taking advantage of the moment when the other person was staring at me lost in thought, I dashed at the fastest speed of my life, running towards the cave entrance like the wind.
Surprisingly, he didn't chase after me.
My heart almost leapt out of my throat, thinking success was within reach.
"Bang!" I was bounced far back, and the excruciating pain upon landing almost made me scream.
The opening of the cave, which seemed completely unobstructed, was actually covered by a sturdy barrier.
My bruised arms were suddenly seized, and he roughly pulled me up from the ground, his large hand pinching my chin hard. "Don't you believe that he'll come to save you? Then why are you still trying to escape? You're nothing but a liar deceiving even yourself!"
Such annoying words! With my other hand, I desperately dug into his wrist, savagely prying open his claws and biting down hard on his palm.
"Crack!" A crisp sound echoed as a heavy slap landed on my face.
Staggering, my weak body fell to the ground.
Blood trickled from the corner of my lips, his fingers oozing droplets of blood — a scene of both sides suffering.
Enduring the pain, I struggled to stand up, fearlessly walking up to him and raising my arm.
"Crack!"
The slap I returned was equally crisp.
"You disgust me!"
I gave him a cold glare, then limped away to the other side of the cave.
I didn't see his expression at that moment, nor did I care to. I had no interest in what he would do to retaliate against me next. Right now, all I wanted was to find a place to quietly wait.
Zimiao, Zimiao…
Sitting down and leaning against a corner of the cave, I closed my eyes, silently recited his name, and waited for hope in the midst of inexplicable despair...
In the increasingly dimming light, the complicated gaze never left me, I felt it.
One, two, three... thirty... forty-six... fifty... sixty... ninety... I squeezed the small stone, staring blankly as I counted the three rows of fine scratches on the stone wall near the cave entrance.
Just like on Mount Fulong, they were my own record of time passing. But unlike there, here, each scratch represented one day.
I'd been trapped in the cave for a full ninety days.
He hadn't come.
Yet, I was still waiting. I couldn't convince myself to give up.
Ninety days. Every day, I sat at the mouth of the cave, hoping for that tall figure in white.
After staring for so long, my eyes ached. Even the occasional bird, insect, or butterfly made me think it was him, and I couldn't help but feel happy. But as soon as I blinked, reality promptly reminded me that it was just an illusion.
About ten days ago, it rained outside, and I was almost jumping with excitement. Rain; water, that's his mark! He must be nearby, he must have found me!
However, the rain soon stopped, and the puddles on the ground soon evaporated under the scorching early summer sun, leaving not a drop behind.
It was now June, and I was getting weaker and weaker.
I licked my cracked lips and my eyes fell on a pot of clean water and a bag of wild fruits not far from me. They were left by that guy; he prepared fresh water and food for me every day.
I didn't accept his kindness. For ninety days, I didn't touch a drop of water or eat a grain of rice, only reminiscing about that early autumn evening, with its delicious and exquisite dishes — eight treasures porridge, hundred-flower pastry... I'd rather sustain myself with spiritual "food" than accept anything from him.
During these days, I refused to engage in any conversation with that guy, and he seemed to ignore me as well. Initially, aside from going out to find food, he spent most of his time sitting in meditation and healing in a corner of the cave. The two of us treated each other as if the other person didn't exist. However, since the injuries on his back healed, he began to leave early and return late.
Where he went and when he came back, those were certainly not my concerns. I only cared about the cruel words he uttered at the beginning, fearing that this despicable guy would really go looking for trouble with Zimiao. However, he seemed not to have turned his murderous hatred into reality, because every time he returned, except for the strong smell of alcohol, there was no smell of blood on him.
Perhaps he just went out to mimic human behavior, drinking and having fun!
I sighed, gazing blankly at the sky outside the cave, from drifting white clouds to twinkling stars and the moon.
In a daze, the footsteps behind me startled me awake.
He was back, and it was the same every time. He never came through the cave entrance; he always appeared suddenly in a corner of the cave like a ghost. Over time, I grew accustomed to it.
Tilting my head and leaning against the stone wall, I continued to watch the limited night view, paying no attention to the person behind me.
"How long do you think you can hold out?" His voice carried an unmistakable anger.
I had no intention of responding to him, not even bothering to move.
He suddenly grabbed my shoulder, forcing me to turn around.
His deep purple eyes reflected my indifferent face.
He reached for the pitcher, raised his head and drank a big mouthful, then threw the pitcher aside and grabbed my face, forcefully pressing against me.
He poured the water into my mouth, mouth to mouth, without any explanation.
This... this lunatic!
I punched and kicked, desperately trying to push him away, but he was much stronger than me, and unless he was willing to let go, I could only be at his mercy.
I'm a demon, and although I also need food and water, three months without eating or drinking wouldn't weaken me to this extent. But Colorless was about to bloom, and my essence had been gradually depleting. If I didn't return to Mount Fulong before the flower bloomed, the consequences can be imagined.
But this lunatic thought that just feeding me a few mouthfuls of water would restore my strength.
I stopped struggling, allowing the lukewarm and sweet water to slowly flow into my long-dehydrated body. Of course I wouldn't tell him the real reason for my weakness.
I had already made up my mind. Before Colorless blooms, if Zimiao still hadn't appeared, I would prefer going to the winds.
After feeding me the last drop, his scorching lips finally left me.
I wiped my mouth hard, unwilling to have his taste linger on me.
And he, like a child who had successfully stolen a snack, actually smiled with satisfaction and smugness.
This all evil[1] evil dragon!
"How about it? I was right, wasn't I? Today marks the ninetieth day, and your 'him' still hasn't come." He sat across from me, gloating. What surprised me was that he also clearly remembered that this was our ninetieth day in this cave. Was he secretly counting the days like me?!
"He will come." My tone remained firm, but I lowered my head, unable to meet his gaze for a moment.
"Stop lying to yourself." He lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him. "Your Zimiao, the water god of the heavenly realm, will not come to find you, not now, not ever."
"You know Zimiao?! You know he's the Water God?! Have you seen him?!" My thoughts were chaotic, and I grabbed his hand, speaking incoherently.
"The dragon race is inherently equal to the gods. Although I'm no longer part of the East China Sea Dragon Clan, it's easy for me to inquire about matters in the heavenly realm." He frowned, seeming displeased with my overly excited reaction.
"Have you seen him?! What did you do to him?!" I shook his arm, unconcerned whether he was a dragon or a god. I only cared about the person who occupied my thoughts.
"I won't do anything to him," he smiled oddly, "I don't need to do anything. Those old guys in the heavenly realm will come to settle accounts with him sooner or later."
"What the hell did you do to him! You ba*tard! Tell me!"
I lunged at him like a madwoman, grabbing his collar, my eyes almost spewing fire.
"I haven't done anything to him!" He firmly restrained my hands, shouting, "Do you know or don't know that it is a capital offense for an immortal to have an affair with a mortal!"
I instantly froze.
Immortal, mortal, affair?!
I was not born dull-witted; piecing together these three words into a complete picture was too easy.
For a long time, neither of us said a word.
Finally, my weakened body slumped back against the stone wall.
"He... really with that beauty..."
"Yes," he replied firmly. "Not only are they together, but they even have their own bun in the oven[2]."
If the previous words were thunder, which shattered my soul, then the words "their own" was like a long knife stabbed straight into my heart and twisted hard a few times. It was pain that didn't draw blood.
Ninety days, just ninety days, how could things come to this?!
After a moment of silence, I grabbed his hand and said resolutely, "I want to see him! Let me go see him!"
"Alright." To my surprise, he didn't hesitate at all.
I had imagined countless scenes where Zimiao rescued me from this hellhole, or where I escaped the cave by my own ability. However, I never thought that when I finally regained my freedom, the one who would release me from captivity would be the same person who imprisoned me.
Under the moonlight, he held me horizontally, stepping onto a purple cloud and swiftly flying through the air.
I was powerless to object to his behavior because I truly lacked the strength even to stand.
Below us, in addition to the unbroken mountain range, there was also a sea shrouded in mist, its bluish green waves rolling endlessly.
"What place is this exactly..."
"The Sea of Despair," he said, "a desolate space that only the dragon race can open. It's a barren land where outsiders cannot enter, and other dragons won't come. It's an excellent hiding place."
"Even Zimiao can't come in?" I fixed my gaze on him, hoping to find the real reason why Zimiao wouldn't come looking for me from his answer.
"Correct," he replied simply.
Footnotes:
[1] 万恶: everything that is evil.
[2] 骨肉都有了: 骨肉 means blood relation; kin; one's flesh and blood. 有了 means to have a bun in the oven; (euphemistic) to be pregnant; to be with child. I used the literal translation of 有了 because I feel that's how Ao Chi means to say it.
No comments:
Post a Comment