Chapter 180 Pan Yue is a man-eating flower
"I still believe your husband has a physical issue. He can't seem to get it up for women."
Pan Yue was still not convinced that she had lost and blamed Tian Yuan.
"F*ck you! He's fine; he just has some hypotension, but there's nothing wrong with him. What male disease, he just doesn't like you. He only loves me. His equipment works perfectly when the two of us have sex. Bah! Why the hell am I telling you about our bedroom secrets!? You hear me? Hurry up and get out! Don't try to flirt with him. Can you afford to pay for his suffering if he's really scared?"
Pan Lei just wanted to get rid of her as soon as possible. He must not, under any circumstances, alert his husband of the wager. That was the end of it. Teasing him? Tian'er would erupt if he realized they were playing tricks on him.
Tian'er was so frightened that he fled. If he found out that this was his own play, he figured Tian Yuan would take him to The Corpus Museum, point to those Formalin-soaked hearts, stomachs, spleens, and kidneys, and smile, "This is your heart, and that is your liver. You sonofab!tch, teasing laozi?! Laozi is going to skin you alive."
"First things first. Promise not to tell Tian Yuan about this. If he’s pissed off, he’ll gladly take it out on me. I’ll undoubtedly be punished."
"Can you show some guts, Pan Lei, for the sake of our grandparents? Shit, you're so henpecked! Isn’t a wife for driving[1]. If he argues with you, give it to him hard. He'll pipe down right away."
"OK! Find a man, Eldest Sister, and I'll make sure to tell my brother-in-law what you just said. Give me a few days of peace and quiet to coax him back. Besides, you have nothing better to do, so pick him up and drop him off. There is one of his classmates who likes to bother him. I taught him a lesson, but please keep an eye on him. If he doesn't give up, help me in thrashing him once more. If Tian'er is late, go pick him up. I genuinely dislike that country's security."
Pan Yue nodded, picking her feet.
"Relax. This old lady will help you take care of your girl. But you need to find a man in the army for me. F*ck man, my mother is pressuring me to marry again."
"It’s a deal."
He Lian was telling Uncle Tian Yuan, who dared not return, next door: "Actually, my little sister was extremely cute when she was a child. I swear. She did catch toads, but she never played them to death. She put them into my quilt to scare me, but she never hurt the weak. Sometimes she wished she wasn't a girl. That's it."
Pan Lei also made a special phone call to coax him.
"Don't worry, baby; that woman has been dealt with by me, and she will not try to pull any more tricks. You can return to your normal life. She has promised to assist me in caring for you while she is in England playing."
"I'm almost thirty, Pan Lei, and I can do it on my own. I'm capable of handling anything. Why on earth would you want such an oddball to look after me? Did she grow up hungry in a primitive jungle as a child? Did she greet Tarzan with a "hello neighbor"? Is your aunt's family from Xishuangbanna[2], by chance?"
"Hey! How do you know my aunt's family stayed in Xishuangbanna?"
Tian Yuan wanted to slam the phone down. He was caught in a bandit den and couldn't escape even if he wanted to.
He'd rushed through his belongings and left some behind. His books and other things remained in his home, but he was terrified of that woman who might strip naked and ask to have sex with him. He was rigid in his thinking and couldn't come up with clever schemes like the Pans. He took everything seriously, therefore he considered this friend as a great scourge and refused to return.
He Lian accompanied him back to his house. Pan Yue, no matter how much of a troublemaker she was, would never dare to screw around in front of the two of them.
Tian Yuan was taken aback by Pan Yue's latest appearance. She was dressed in loose green pants tucked into ankle-high military boots, with her hair tied up, a white tank top, smoking a cigarette, and cooking food in the kitchen.
"I was joking, Tian Yuan; don't take it seriously. Grandma and Aunt both chastised me. Don't worry, I'm not going to tease you anymore. I just wanted to check whether you were a promiscuous person. You passed my test. Like Eldest Brother mentioned, you're a pretty nice guy. It's just... Damn it! When will this old lady have the dumb luck of marrying such a man? Leizi is a cheapo."
Tian Yuan wanted to hurt someone. If Pan Lei were here at this time, he'd likely unleash a barrage of kicks and knock Pan Lei to the ground while yelling, "F*ck you; your uncle! You are a bandit, your family is a bandit, and your neighbors are bandits as well."
What do netizens say? Right! 'You'll have nothing but regrets after you marry into a wealthy and powerful family.' He regretted it with such relatives, okay? How was he supposed to get by these days with such a sister?
Pan Yue's cheap cooking talents were not awful, which meant she was on the verge of wrecking the kitchen. Tian Yuan couldn't help but lose it as he looked at the bags of dumplings that had been split.
"Pan Yue, I warn you; this is the food that Pan Lei prepared for me. If you want to eat Chinese, ask him to cook it for you. You’re not allowed to spoil my stuff. He won't be here till the end of next month. What am I expected to eat if you gobble everything?"
Pan Yue was sipping a beer. She smiled as she noticed Tian Yuan glaring and yelling at her.
"Oh~ What am I seeing here? Leizi said that his family is a little sheep; which country's exploding sheep is this, hm? Aren’t you a wild cat? Take care of your image, handsome guy. You're supposed to be a gentleman."
"Bullshit! Can an image be eaten?"
"Okay, I get it. I'm not going to touch your food again. Tut! Don't you simply have a lover? What are you smug about? Just you wait for this old lady to find a man. This old lady will be happier than you."
Tian Yuan looked at He Lian, who looked at Pan Yue but said nothing and ate with his head down. I feel that if we have more "sisters" like you, men all around the world will like men.
Pan Yue's personality was too distinct to be compared even to Pan Zhan and Pan Ge. One of the two brothers was smooth and slick, while the other was calm and two-faced. Pan Lei, on the other hand, was a bandit through and through, but his older sister was a tyrannical flower, nay, a man-eating flower. She was too intimidating for him.
Didn't Pan Lei ask her to look after Tian Yuan? Well, she did a splendid job. No one could get within one meter of Tian Yuan with her personal protection. Even Tian Yuan's peers couldn't get close to him, let alone the French guy. She sat casually on the desk, one foot on the table, chewing gum, wearing excessively huge earrings, and a short jacket with a skull design on it. Her appearance was that of a little tomboy in society.
Tian Yuan went to the hospital. She waited at the entrance, catching a few thieves in passing and cracking down on street hooligans.
Tian Yuan went to the library. She read manga while laughing her head off. Tian Yuan, who couldn’t get rid of this tail, quickly took her away.
When Tian Yuan returned home at night, she walked alongside him with a baseball bat, scaring the proper neighbors into not approaching him.
Tian Yuan's eating bills had increased as they ate out. Pan Yue's appetite was 1.5 times greater than his, and he could be said to have gained knowledge. With a waist circumference of only 26 inches, this woman could devour five Big Macs and two glasses of Coke in one sitting, blench, and then attack the KFC family bucket.
Overall, she was a terrific bodyguard. Bad guys couldn’t get close to him, and neither could the good guys.
She also went in search of the Frenchman and shook her fist at him once. The Frenchman was so frightened that he detoured every time he spotted Tian Yuan.
This zeal was even greater than when Pan Lei was present.
Tian Yuan secretly inquired of He Lian when his valiant little sister would depart. He was desperate to return to his home.
Tian Yuan never returned to his room since he was too nervous to stay there. Who knew this older sister wouldn't grope him in the middle of the night? She was nutty and capable of anything. He was devoted to Pan Lei and never wanted to do anything that would let him down. However, as soon as he opened the door, a black rose wearing only a bikini arrived, and he was physically and mentally traumatized. So he just stayed at He Lian's house, but he sorely needed the pillow that Pan Lei had gotten him. He'd be A-OK with that pillow.
He Lian patted him on the shoulder, a sympathetic expression on his face. "My younger sister stated that she enjoys being with you and that it is delightful to be with you. She treats you like a toy and claims you're the most attractive man in the Pan family. When you're angry, your hair stands up like a wild cat from head to toe. When you're not mad, you're a gentle scholar like Ning Caichen. She longs to return to China, but her mother is pressuring her to marry, so she cannot. Have fun. She's here to stay."
Tian Yuan wanted to howl at the heavens. Is laozi's existence solely to serve as a toy for your sister? When will this kind of life come to an end!? He was on the verge of collapsing.
"You get rid of her, Pan Lei. Get her out of here as soon as possible. Take her away. At once!"
Pan Lei yanked his hair but didn't admit that this "pal" wasn't listening. Besides, he and his "pal" were still allies who had teamed up to put Tian Yuan to the test. If he got rid of Pan Yue, his pal, she would be unhappy and make himself miserable.
"Just tell her that some country is in a tense situation and needs war correspondents. She’ll definitely leave."
"She’s a war correspondent?"
"She is primarily a photographer, although she prefers to spend her time on the battlefield. She typically works as a war correspondent in various countries, photographing and issuing press releases."
Tian Yuan actually found Pan Yue rather awe-inspiring. This woman didn't make a living by fighting. Her work was likewise honorable and serious. But he hadn’t seen her taking pictures with a camera everywhere. Forget about it. Since she was on vacation and wanted to stay at his house, let her stay. What was he arguing about with a woman? Besides, she was Pan Lei's older sister, wasn't she?
She may be an unruly woman, and the Pans may be a bandit family, but each and every Pan was exceptional. Pan Zhan's company was performing well. Pan Ge was the Chief of the Police Bureau, and his career was on the rise as well. Pan Lei was a commando in the army. Pan Yue was a girl, but she was gutsy.
"Be patient for a few days. To be honest, I’m relieved that she’s with you. He Lian is no doubt a good man, but he’s a bookworm. You can’t really count on him in times of danger or trouble. She might be aggressive, yet she can help you when I’m not around. I’m not concerned about your personal safety."
Tian Yuan was rendered speechless. He was thirty, or nearly thirty. Could Pan Lei just quit treating him like a three-year-old? He will look after himself. There was no need to go all over the place looking for a guardian for him.
"At worst, I'll help you drive her away when I visit you next month."
Oh, no! Tian Yuan exhaled a sigh. That would take a month. He was in a lot of pain, you know?
Footnotes:
[1] Driving is euphemism for sex.
[2] Xishuangbanna is known for its folklore, rain forests, rare plants, and wildlife, as well as its natural, historical, and cultural riches. TY is essentially suggesting that Pan Yue is a savage.
Translator:
Titbit: The Corpus Museum is a human biology interactive museum, located near Oegstgeest in the Netherlands.
Pan Yue sounds like she would be fun as a friend.
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