Chapter 172 He’s here; this is home
Tian Yuan had set the alarm. He had only just opened his eyes blearily when the alarm clock went off at 7:30 a.m. Pan Lei reached out and shut it. He turned around and embraced Tian Yuan.
"Go back to bed."
Tian Yuan thought they were still in China, Pan Lei had left the army base on the sly to sneak home in the middle of the night, and he couldn't get out of bed the next day after being harassed all night. He had no recollection of them being abroad now.
He rubbed his nose on Pan Lei's chest, chose the most comfortable position, and held his waist. And he closed his eyes once more.
Pan Lei always coaxed him like this after a wild night. Even if it was time for work, Pan Lei wanted him to rest more.
"You help me ask for a leave of absence."
"Okay, I'll help you ask for a leave. Go to sleep, I'm here."
Pan Lei lowered his head and lovingly kissed his brow, then his hair, pinched his ear, and watched him fall asleep again. Pan Lei smiled and kissed his lover in the early morning light.
What exactly is happiness? Different times have different definitions. For Leizi, happiness at the moment was that in the morning light, his beloved was relying on him, hugging him, and leaning on his chest as he kissed his lover’s brow. For Tian Yuan, happiness came from having a good night's sleep with his beloved by his side, and that was it.
Isn't happiness actually quite simple? Happiness is when you kiss the person beside you in the morning light and it fills your heart with sweetness and ease.
Pan Lei was the one who brought Tian Yuan a large bowl of preserved egg thin meat congee, sat beside the bed, kissed his hand, and stared at him when he finally awoke.
He detected a particularly familiar fragrance while drowsily dozing. His stomach began to growl as his body always reacted faster than his brain. When he opened his eyes, he found Pan Lei sitting in the sun, beside his bed, holding his hand and kissing his palm.
Pan Lei moved in for a good morning kiss when he saw Tian Yuan open his eyes.
"If you go back to sleep, my little lazy pig, it will be night. Oh! Hungry, are we? Get up, sleepyhead. I made your favorite food. It makes me sad to see that you've lost weight during this period of time. I'm determined to fatten you up during my stay here."
Tian Yuan was a little dazed. Is this real? He really ran here?
"Are you suffering from hypoglycemia? How about slowing down a little? Just sit back for a while, rest for half an hour, and then get up again?"
Pan Lei helped him lean on the headboard by supporting him. Tian Yuan, who’d been staring at him, grabbed his hand and bit him.
"Ow!" Pan Lei jumped up and shook his hand.
"Oh, my ancestor, you're grinding your teeth with my finger in the early morning, eh?"
Tian Yuan gave a slight nod as he watched Pan Lei hop up and down.
"Does it hurt?"
Pan Lei waved his finger in front of him, allowing him to see. It had four distinct tooth marks on it.
"What do you think? Even if you want to eat spare ribs, you mustn’t bite me! It’s not as if I can’t make them for you."
Tian Yuan kissed the back of his hand and smiled contentedly.
"If it hurts, it means I’m not dreaming. You are really here."
Pan Lei found it both annoying and amusing, and flicked Tian Yuan's brow. This little ancestor also learnt to be a troublemaker.
"Feel up. Is it hot? If you still don't believe it, I’ll remind you of last night."
Pan Lei undid his belt, determined to leave a lasting impression on him.
Finally, Pan Lei didn't do anything lewd since Tian Yuan's stomach growled again. He assisted Tian Yuan in putting on his pajamas, taking him to the bathroom, and preparing the toothpaste for him.
Tian Yuan shoved him out of the bathroom, cleaned his teeth and washed his face, and then puzzled how he had appeared so unexpectedly. Wasn't it strange? Could he have become a deserter from the army? Or was he here to complete a task? Wasn't this illegal? He was a senior Chinese military officer; could he travel abroad whenever he pleased?
Before allowing him to sit, Pan Lei added a thicker cushion on the chair. The congee was just the right temperature and delicious.
Tian Yuan finally got to taste Pan Lei’s craftsmanship again and drank three bowls in one go, making Pan Lei very happy.
"I know that these foreign things are not good. Look at how thin my baby has become. Have some more; have some more."
Tian Yuan had a good appetite. He looked up after eating a bite of congee and saw Pan Lei's proud chin and smiling at himself. He could eat an extra bowl of congee with Pan Lei's attractive face in front of him. He's such a feast for the eyes!
"Why did you suddenly run over?"
Pan Lei laughed mischievously.
"Oh this! That’s what Mom and Dad did for our sake. I’m a soldier of the special forces. Even if I travel abroad, I must file an application. It will take at least three or four months after the approval of numerous departments, which is still quick. Our great father, however, is far too clever. He dug and dug until he secured me a special pass through the Security Bureau. I'm allowed to travel overseas once a month for a week at a time. That is to say, during your year abroad, I can come to see you every month and stay with you for a few days. We don’t have to wait a year. I'll come to see you as soon as I miss you."
Tian Yuan's eyes glowed. This was even better than winning the ten million dollar lottery! He could come once a month and stay with him for a week each visit? This was similar to what happened in China. They didn't have to endure a year of yearning, and they didn't have to suffer. When he missed Pan Lei, he would fly over to see him as soon as the time was up so they could be reunited.
This was simply fantastic.
"Oh Dear Dad! You’re our patron saint!"
Pan Lei was particularly proud and showed off.
"Of course. He’s my father, therefore he naturally loves his son. I guess he’s worried you'll go crazy because of missing me, so he got me this special pass. There is only one of these passes in the entire country. A special pass for a truly special guy. We don't have to call ourselves Cowherd and Weaver Girl anymore, baby. We can meet once a month."
Tian Yuan desperately wanted to leap on Papa Pan and give him a bear hug. Such a father was too adorable and endearing.
"Living apart in two countries like this is too hard for a couple, and cross-border love is too painful. My father was going through these difficulties at the time, so he was concerned about the two of us and gave us this gift because he was worried we'd go insane. When we were celebrating New Year's Eve, Dad gave me the pass. I never told you because I wanted you to be surprised. You must have been startled when I popped up like that yesterday, didn't you? Are you overjoyed? I knew my baby missed me very, very much, so I just came over."
Tian Yuan's face lit up with joy. It was wonderful; it was amazing; he could see Pan Lei every month, which was better than anything else. He would be abroad and work hard for his future, but the days would not be too difficult.
Tian Yuan kissed him as Pan Lei stroked his hair.
"It's great that you can see me every month. I'm so happy!"
"I'm afraid if I don't come over, you’ll be so skinny that you won’t seem human."
Pan Lei pinched his cheeks. He thought that the pajamas he prepared for Tian Yuan before he went abroad were too big for him to wear anymore. It could be due to his mindset, but he simply thought his husband had become too skinny.
Pan Lei hauled out the large suitcase he'd brought with him the day before, and the two of them sat on the floor, inspecting the goodies he'd brought with him.
"My mother asked me to bring this to you, claiming that it will improve your health. Mom took some coarse worms and said to make tea or toss in one or two when making soup to make it a tonic after I told her you had lost too much weight during this time. Dad sent you this box of ginseng. I knew you couldn't eat well here, so I brought you some local food. These are the nuts and beef jerky that you like."
Pan Lei looked pleased with himself as he took out a large bag of nuts, including walnuts, chestnuts, pistachios, and pine nuts. Tian Yuan had a habit of snacking on nuts.
"You can’t get used to sleeping on foreign pillows, can you? I brought you your pillow when I went home."
Pan Lei also took out a pillow. It was really Tian Yuan’s pillow from their home.
Tian Yuan looked at it.
"This is your pillow, not mine."
Pan Lei squeezed Tian Yuan in his arms.
"When I'm not by your side, just hold my pillow in your arms and treat it as if it were me."
"I don't hold anything when I sleep. Why would I want to hold your pillow?"
Pan Lei spoke confidently.
"You must sleep on my pillow. I've already taken your pillow to the army, so this is just perfect."
As he thought of his pillow, he envisioned Pan Lei holding his pillow in his arms and calling baby, baby when he was half-asleep and felt quite uncomfortable for some reason. He remembered Pan Lei holding a pillow in his arms and squeezing it till it was entirely misshapen. His poor pillow! He guessed his pillow will have vanished by the time he returned to China.
"I also brought my pajamas and clothes. Put them here, and it'll be like two people living together. You’ll no longer feel alone."
Pan Lei placed his towel, toothpaste, toothbrush, slippers and what not next to his gear.
Tian Yuan wondered: Are these actions similar to a puppy peeing and drawing circles? Exhibiting your own things to prove that this piece is my territory?
This property was too large for a single person, and he always felt it echoed with emptiness. However, when Pan Lei had organized his belongings here, he no longer had simply his own pair of slippers on the shoe cabinet, but he felt it was filled with sleepiness[1].
It was his heart that reverberated with emptiness, not this place. He felt hollow because that person was not present. Despite being crammed with stuff, it seemed meaningless. But when Pan Lei was present, he could instantly dispel any loneliness. He was the one who made his heart sing. Even the farthest reaches of the world would provide him with a warm sense of belonging when he was with Pan Lei.
A house was simply a house without the man who warmed it. The same as England. He never considered it his home. Their family was in China, and their home was a small two-bedroom, one-living-room apartment. But it had been lively since Pan Lei arrived. There were signs of him everywhere, both upstairs and downstairs, and he had the impression that his home had relocated here.
Some people are born with the ability to drive away loneliness and emptiness. He could talk a mile a minute, fill the house with the noises of pots and pans, and yell "baby!" at any moment and from any place. He was such a passionate man. Even if he was a touch noisy, he gave him warmth and comfort. He gave him a home.
Pan Lei said, my home is where you are.
Tian Yuan smiled. His home was wherever Pan Lei was. He would have a home if he was there, even if it was a crumbling house or a decaying temple, or even if it was the ends of the earth.
Footnotes:
[1] This doesn’t make sense to me. Author used 睡意 which means sleepiness.
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