Extra 2 The marriage of Pan Yue, the WoMan
Pan Yue’s romantic history went like this.
Aunt Pan is reported to have been thrilled when she learned that her daughter Pan Yue, this fearless WoMan, had a crush on someone.
Pan Yue had once spoken of love, claiming to have fallen in love with her senior. He was a scholarly young man who appeared to have transmigrated from ancient times. According to hearsay, his forefathers were all literati, and for several generations, his family produced many zhuangyuan, bangyan, tanhua[1], and even a court minister. Any randomly picked girl in the family could recite Di Zi Gui.
"I liked him at first sight," Pan Yue stated. That guy used to do ink paintings by hanging his wrists. He was dressed in a Confucian garment with a wide robe and large sleeves that day, with one sleeve rolled up and a brush in the other, precisely like the type of scholar in TV dramas.
Pan Yue began chasing him furiously, terrifying the scholarly youngster. He'd never encountered such a bold woman before. Her brazenness rendered him dumbfounded and caused him to vomit blood incessantly.
"Sir, does the red sleeve add fragrance?"
"Husband, shall I serve you in bed at night?"
"Young master, take off your clothes and go to bed."
"F*ck your uncle, what the hell do you want? Laoniang wants to sleep with you and there's no need for you to pay, so why the f*ck are you avoiding me? What's the harm in marrying me? Laoniang also assisted you in beating the bad guys. Will you go through with it or not? Speak! Agree or disagree? F*ck this! If you won't marry me, laozi will knock you out, drag you home, and XXOO you. By this time next year, I'll have made you a dad."
That stupid egghead peed his pants. He flew out of the country that evening, fleeing.
Later students claimed that the senior was so stimulated that he fell in love with a man.
Such was Pan Yue's heroic past.
Because of her powerful momentum, no one dared to like her. All those she played with were now her buddies. She grew quite close to Zhang Hui when she was twenty, thinking she had something going with him. But, after rigorous investigation, Zhang Hui lost a mahjong game to her and a month's worth of food. Every day, she dashed to Zhang Hui's place to eat whatever was pricey and unique. She tried the rat meat, the snake gall, and even the grasshoppers. Zhang Hui pursued Pan Zhan for payment - Your sister ate all the food, making me eat a loss. She ate a lot and it was all expensive stuff. You are responsible for compensating me.
She was also very close to Lin Mu at the age of twenty-five, and they spent the entire day together. Lin Mu, she believed, had been conquered by her. But Lin Mu, who was playing a game at the time, took her to clear a dungeon when he was asked. She only had the most basic alternate account, but she went to hack the ultimate big boss. Lin Mu, who was grinding, taught her how to level up, defeat opponents, and acquire items.
She was chummy with Huang Kai after half a year and was not optimistic. Huang Kai urged her to fight for the territory with him after she inquired, so she learned to be a young and dangerous babe, dressed in a leather jacket and pants and carrying a machete, and followed Huang Kai to participate in gang fights.
This girl traveled abroad after being severely reprimanded and educated.
It was Leizi and Tian Yuan's wedding when she returned. She was dressed as a lady, but sadly, she made a fool of herself with the outfit.
She proposed to the frightened assistant instructor while holding a bunch of roses.
The evil bunch was utterly dejected that night since they couldn't play pranks in the bridal chamber, but the Pan's house in the military compound was brightly lit. Everyone, except Pan Lei and Pan Ge, was present, including Pan LingSi'er.
The assistant instructor seemed tense. There were two generals, one lieutenant general, one chief staff officer, and one retired old gent in front of him. Anyone randomly chosen had a higher rank than him.
Everyone was staring at him, as if he were a rare species among a swarm of aliens.
Pan Yue was not present since she had gone to bed. This was not something she was interested in.
"Where are you from, young man? Is there anyone else in your family? Do you intend to stay in this city? Are you married? Do you have a girlfriend?"
Finally, Eldest Uncle Pan spoke up.
"My niece excels at everything, it’s just that she’s short-tempered. She used to play with boys when she was younger and is a bit of a tomboy, but she is a wonderful girl. She is a war correspondent who has experienced bullets and rescued the helpless. She is a good girl, full of chivalry and tenderness."
Second Uncle Pan began to recommend his niece as well.
"She meddles, but she doesn't do it lightly. She tries to be brave, to assist the helpless, and to campaign for justice. She may appear rough and tough and speak gruffly, yet she is a lovely girl. She has never messed around over the years. She has spent so many years abroad, but she will never do anything inappropriate. You may be intimidated by her, but as you get to know her better, you'll see how amazing she is."
Third Uncle Pan began lobbying as well.
"Talking in circles so much, can’t you say it straight! If you like my family’s Yueyue, you can get the marriage certificate tomorrow and marry the following day. It just so happens that no one has left. If you don't agree, don't sit there and waste our time."
With one strike, Grandfather Pan made the final decision. Whether you agree or disagree, just say the word.
Tian Yuan, Pan Lei, I hate you.
The assistant instructor was on the verge of crying in his heart; he loathed that couple!
"I like girls who know the four arts[2]."
"My daughter was three when she learnt to recite Tang poems, five when she learned to write calligraphy by herself, seven when she started school, and eight when she studied Guqin. She is excellent at ink painting."
Everyone nodded when Aunt Pan stated this. Pan Yue was a typical girl when she was very young, but no one knew when she became a WoMan.
"I like gentle girls."
"My little aunt is the gentlest. When she catches toads, she never lets them die instantly. She plays with them bit by bit till the layer of skin falls off before killing them."
LingSi'er stood up for her aunt.
"I'm hoping for a normal family. My wife will not run around, do the chores, and love me and my family."
"Why are you so dumb? How do you know my sister-in-law can't do chores unless you live with her? Every time we go shopping, she spends my money while saving all of hers. This can be said as being financial savvy. Isn't she really good at living?"
Eldest sister-in-law Pan (Pan Zhan’s wife) also couldn't sit by idly and watch.
"Say yes or no."
The assistant instructor simply lowered his head and remained silent. There was no way he’d accept that WoMan.
"It’s okay if he’s unwilling to marry. Laoniang isn’t interested in marrying just yet anyway."
Pan Yue strolled over to the assistant instructor and sized him up casually.
"The figure isn't nice enough, the back isn't strong enough, the waist curve isn't attractive, and he's darker than I am. I'm not looking for Prince Charming, but neither can he be foolish. You despise me, and laoniang despises you even more. I'm warning you not to appear in front of me. When I see you, I'll hit you."
Pan Yue's words made everyone lose face.
The assistant instructor quickly stood up.
"You're too kind, Miss Pan. I'm very sorry."
He saluted each and every general commander.
"I'm truly unworthy of all the chiefs' deep favor. I still have something to attend to in the army, so I'll leave first."
Alas! Everyone sighed. They had thought they had finally found the perfect son-in-law. Who would have thought he'd be scared away?
Marrying off this girl in their family was really different from the boys getting hitched. It was a done deal as long as the boys liked someone. No one liked this girl because she was too odd.
Pan Yue couldn't care less. She cut half a watermelon, sat cross-legged on the sofa, and ate it while laughing and spitting the watermelon seeds as she watched TV.
Aunt Pan was depressed. Why did they have such a girl in their family? What a dream it would be if she were a boy.
Pan Yue had been rejected and was now back to running wild everywhere.
Pan Yue, bored in every way, headed to the streets with her camera on her shoulder.
She went to a nursing home and photographed the elderly.
She went to the plaza to photograph people enjoying themselves. She watched the people on the streets while licking an ice cream cone. They were all engaged, and no one entertained her. This person still required company.
Just as she was bored, she squinted and noticed a young man with red and green hair, maybe eighteen or nineteen years old, passing by a girl. A knife flashed, and the sharp knife sliced the girl's knapsack, stealing her wallet.
"You f*cker! Even in such a bright and peaceful world, there are daring young criminals."
She put the camera back in her bag, stood up, and roared.
"Don't run, little thief!"
Everyone who passed by heard this voice.
When the young thief realized he had been discovered, he bolted like lightning. Pan Yue sprang up and chased after him, unafraid. What fantastic timing! She was bored, so this gave her something fun to do.
"My wallet was stolen, catch the thief," the girl cried.
Hearing this yell, a passing military vehicle came to a halt, and a man dressed in camouflage jumped out.
A soldier defends home and nation, protecting the property of the people, and will not tolerate gangsters or the like.
He asked the girl who had lost her wallet where the thief had gone, and she pointed in the direction Pan Yue had pursued.
The man in camouflage followed him as well.
Let's just say that in this world, there is such a thing as fate. Or, to put it another way, there would be no stories without coincidences and no marriages without chance meetings.
The assistant instructor was the one who got out of the car.
Pan Yue had no idea that the assistant instructor was also on the hunt for the thief.
The assistant instructor didn't know either that the thief was being chased by the WoMan from the day before.
The robber dashed into an alley, then turned around and stopped running.
In the depths of the alley, a few more people appeared, all punks and smirking, and encircled Pan Yue.
Pan Yue was surrounded by five or six muscular men. They were incredibly cowardly to have no f*cking qualms bullying a woman.
"You followed me all the way here, huh, you’re too reckless. Why are you so nosy? I'm going to destroy you and leave a few scars on your pretty face. Don't you know that you shouldn’t poke your nose in other people’s business?"
Pan Yue slung her backpack over her back. She wouldn’t be terrified even if ten more such cowards showed up.
"I’m going to break your balls today. Let’s see how you will steal money from now on. Come on, group fight. I’ll fight you one-on-one, or you can gang up on me. Show me what you’ve got. Come!"
What was there to be afraid of when it was just fighting? She didn’t get to fight that day and her hands were itching like crazy.
I'll take this God-given opportunity to practice my skills with these punks today.
She remained still. The punks exchanged glances before charging forward, fists up.
Pan Yue moved her hand, punching fast and fiercely. When she punched, her clenched fist struck a gangster's jaw, sending blood and teeth flying as he was knocked off his feet far away.
She spun around and kicked another man to the ground.
Her wrist was grabbed before she could throw her third punch.
"Go to hell you,,,,"
Pan Yue opened her mouth to swear, but when she looked up, she was surprised to see the deputy instructor from yesterday. She stared at him blankly for a moment.
"F*ck! What are you stopping laoniang from teaching these bad guys a lesson for? Stay out of laoniang’s way."
"What can you flaunt at this time? Why don’t you just be a woman and seek safety? Stay here and don't let these idiots hurt you."
The assistant instructor pulled Pan Yue behind his back with a cold look.
Pan Yue froze for a moment before smiling.
"Hey, it's always been laoniang protecting others. I didn't think laoniang would also be protected one day. Fine! If you win, I’ll treat you to dinner."
"It is a soldier's bounden duty to safeguard home and country, to eradicate violence, and to assist the helpless."
The assistant instructor appeared resolute and unyielding. Pan Yue's eyes flashed, and she backed away, arms around her shoulders. I’ll let you fight this battle.
A man must rush forward at a critical moment.
"Jiayou, pal! Laoniang believes in you."
Footnotes:
[1] Top scorer, No.2, and No.3 in the Imperial examination system respectively.
Love some side couple hijinks!
ReplyDeleteThe whole Pan family trying their best lol
ReplyDeleteThank you for translating and sharing!
ReplyDelete