Extra 8 Weddings are inhuman
The wedding was rushed, but it was spectacular.
It had not been simple for Pan Yue, a WoMan, to put on her bridal gown. Aunt Pan was the most miserable of the Pan family's women, who were constantly dabbing their eyes.
Pan Yue's father comforted his wife and gently wiped away her tears.
"Our daughter is only getting married, not leaving us forever. We now have a son. There's no reason to be sad."
"I'm not sad, Yueyue's dad; I'm happy. I finally married her off, which was far more difficult than the Long March. It was far from easy. This girl has been taken and will not leave her home to become a nun in order to seek God. We two elderly people can finally relax and let go of our secret worry. These are joyful tears."
Pan Yue's father was left speechless. He took his wife aside so that no one would realize she was crying tears of joy; it would be embarrassing.
Li Shimin's parents were true country folk who were struggling to adjust to this grandeur. Their daughter-in-law was lovely, yet she could be weird at times.
Pan Yue despised how heavy and hot the bridal gown was, so she just lifted it up, exposing her thighs. She'd flash her panties if she hiked it any further.
Li Shimin was not offended by her actions. He leaned in close and drew her dress down a little, holding a cardboard piece to fan her.
"What the hell is up with this dithering? Laoniang has finally decided to marry, but why is the process taking so long?"
"It seems that the emcee for the wedding has yet to arrive. Just wait a bit longer."
Li Shimin yanked her away from causing a scene and embarrassing herself in front of the many people arriving and going.
"Listen to me; just wait a while."
Everyone was expecting the host. This host was too shameless to keep everyone waiting. Time flew by, and it was nearly midday. The Pans were worried, the bride was worried, Li Shimin's parents were worried, and all the brothers and friends were worried.
Aunt Pan warned Pan Yue to temper her enthusiasm and avoid causing trouble. Pan Yue finally decided to marry after being firmly admonished not to cause mischief, so don't allow her to get worked up. Wouldn't it be even more shameful if she threw her veil away and didn't marry?
There was nothing that could be done. A certain couple had to put up with it and wait to get Li Shimin drunk when he offered a toast.
Tian Yuan checked his phone and saw that it was five minutes to twelve o'clock.
It was almost twelve o'clock. It was nearly noon, and the ceremony had yet to begin. Strange, it's already 12?
Tian Yuan's eyes widened as he grasped Pan Lei's wrist to check the time. Nothing out of the ordinary, only five minutes to twelve.
"What's wrong?"
"This won't do! They must marry before twelve! If you marry after noon, you will have a second marriage. It's a bad omen for newlyweds like them. Big Sis, Big Sis, hurry up and hold the wedding ceremony before it's too late!"
Pan Yue became concerned when she heard this. She immediately jumped up and hastily smoothed her wedding gown, with all of her brothers and friends moving forward to assist. Pan Ge straightened her veil, and her sister-in-law (Pan Zhan's wife) adjusted her wedding gown, while Zhang Hui and others tidied up Li Shimin's wedding suit.
"Hey, what are you doing?! Hurry up! We're almost out of time!"
Pan Yue blew up. She lifted her dress, snatched Li Shimin's arm and dashed to the gathering hall. Everyone suspected the couple was eloping.
Pan Yue hauled Li Shimin onto the stage, regardless of whether the guests were sitting or not.
"I agree to marry you. For better or worse, in sickness and in health, yada yada. OK! I've made my promises. It's your turn now. Keep it brief."
Pan Yue gave Li Shimin a push when she noticed he was a bit dazed.
"Ah! I take you as my wife and will love you for the rest of my life."
"Where's the ring? Put it on quickly! Hurry!"
Pan Yue grabbed the ring box, extended her finger, and placed the ring on her finger. She couldn't wait for Li Shimin to put the ring on her, so she put it on herself.
She leaned in and kissed Li Shimin before tossing the wedding bouquet to Lin Mu.
She declared loudly.
"End of ceremony."
Whew! It was not an easy task. The ceremony concluded in the 58th minute.
"Big sister, big sister, you must offer tea. The wedding will not be complete until you serve tea to the elders."
Lin Mu laughed hysterically as he watched, and added another step for her to finish. What fun! Marriage seems more stressful than war.
"Damn! What a pain. Where are your parents? You take care of my parents, and I’ll take care of yours. Quick, split up."
Pan Yue dashed to her in-laws, carrying two cups of tea.
"Drink your tea quickly. Tea, Mom and Dad. We're almost out of time. Drink it now!"
Li Shimin's parents, who were true country people, were terrified. What was this daughter-in-law up to?
Pan Yue almost squeezed the old man's chin to pour the tea in.
The elderly couple rushed to sip tea. Pan Yue snatched the red envelope just as it was taken out.
"Thank you very much, Mom and Dad."
The elderly couple was stiff. Was this a female bandit?
Everyone was in fits of laughter as they watched this farce come to a close. Yup! The ceremony was completed before twelve o'clock. Pan Yue leaned against her new spouse, sighing with relief and flinging her veil away.
"F*ck! Weddings are inhuman."
Li Shimin, the newly minted Pan Brother-in-law, was distraught. Yeah, weddings are truly inhuman. It’s more stressful than mission execution.
"Oh right, I forgot. Yesterday, we both set our phones and watches ahead by half an hour. We were worried about oversleeping and being late for today's wedding. It's actually just half past eleven o'clock."
Tian Yuan asserted this after careful study.
The audience's laughter became more animated.
Pan Yue clenched her teeth in rage. She removed her high heels and hurled them at Tian Yuan.
"Tian Yuan, you jerk! Laoniang will fight you to death."
Pan Lei took a step ahead.
"If you dare to touch my baby, laozi and you will be irreconcilable. If you have the ability, come fight."
Pan Yue lifted her bridal gown, ready to start fighting.
"Who is scared of whom?"
"You are his older sister, wife, so don't argue with him. It is our big day, so let's not get into a fight. We are a family, and we will have the opportunity to exact revenge together in the future."
"Humph! I’ll listen to my man. I won't bother with you today. Just you wait for laoniang."
"Fine! Laozi is waiting for you."
Extra 9 Call jiěfu[1] for money
Pan Lei was a bandit, as is well known. Pan Lei resumed his banditry at Pan Yue's wedding banquet.
Tian Yuan raised the wine glass and was going to speak as the assistant instructor brought his wife to toast, planning to say, "Big Sis, Big Brother-in-law, may you live a long and happy life together," but Pan Lei squeezed his hand while smiling slyly.
"You said you'd be my brother-in-law, deputy instructor. You have finally married my sister. Shouldn't we put our work aside and just be relatives?"
The assistant instructor smiled.
"Indeed. Commander, you are now my xiǎo jiùzi[2]."
Pan Lei rubbed his nose.
"Yeah, right, Little Brother-in-law. Do you think you'll be able to get me to call you Big Brother-in-Law so easily? You want me to be your Little Brother-in-law? That's fine."
Pan Lei drew Tian Yuan to him.
"We don't have enough money for home interior decoration. Shouldn't you, as our Big Sis and Big Brother-in-law pitch in a little? I've already robbed Eldest and Second Brother, and I've squeezed everything from Grandma's, leaving you two."
"Bandit!"
Pan Yue leaned forward and pointed at Pan Lei, who she despised a thousand times over.
"WoMan."
Pan Lei exhibited no signs of weakening.
"We all have enough money to buy another house, Pan Lei. Why the hell would you want to rob using various titles?"
It was their Big Sis's happy occasion, and it was not the appropriate day to plunder. Tian Yuan tugged on his arm, signaling him to quit causing trouble.
"Do you think calling him Big Brother-in-law will let you easily exhort him? You must demonstrate your sincerity. You can't call him brother-in-law until you give us a wedding gift."
The assistant instructor was adamant.
"I knew you were hiding your evil intentions in order to set me up."
"Don't put it off any longer. I'll utilize my power for selfish benefit and play tricks on you. Now that I'm the commander, I'll keep you from getting promoted and hold you back."
"All right, I'll give you a gift."
The assistant instructor knew Pan Lei would not let him off easily, so he prepared ahead of time. He handed Pan Lei a deep red packet.
"Call me Big Brother-in-law, Little Brother-in-law."
"I want to see how much this little brother-in-law is worth."
Pan Lei gave the packet to Tian Yuan.
"See how much it is, baby. Is it enough to change the way we address him?"
The banknotes were so large that they reached the envelope's mouth. Tian Yuan took out the money and discovered two pink Grandpa Mao.
"Pooh! Your uncle, laozi is only worth 200 yuan? The mafia offered two million dollars for my head back then."
He extended his hand once more in front of the assistant instructor.
"Hurry, this money is not enough. You can't be my big brother-in-law if you're this stingy. Pay up! Give me money."
Another red envelope. Tian Yuan opened it and discovered two pink Grandpa Mao.
The assistant instructor smiled at him but did not offer them any more money.
"What are you b*tching for? Why don’t you give it all at once. What’s with giving out 200 yuan at a time? Pay up or I’ll charge you interest."
"You’re really a schemer. I’ll pay you 2000 yuan to call me Big Brother-in-law. That’s my ten-day wage."
"What about our Pan family's daughter, whom we have been raising for over 30 years, whom you have taken as your wife? How much money was spent? Have I settled this debt with you?"
The assistant instructor had no choice but to take out the largest and heaviest red envelope and count the money inside. It was 2000 yuan. He took out 400 yuan and gave Pan Lei the rest 1600 yuan.
"Shouldn't you call me Big Brother-in-Law?"
Pan Lei instructed Tian Yuan to pack the money before patting the assistant instructor on the shoulder.
"We live and die together as brothers. I feel sorry for you. You've been through a lot. You are our Pan family's benefactor. It will be difficult for you to marry this WoMan. Tell this Little Brother-in-law if she bullies you, and I'll teach her a lesson for you. But don’t even think of abandoning her. Goods once sold will not be returned or exchanged. She is a good woman despite her casual attitude. You must adore her and take good care of her. If she ever goes back to her mother's house crying, don't blame this Little Brother-in-law for being rude to you. She is the Pan family’s beloved daughter, so be kind to her."
"You adore and cherish your wife. There may be times when you sigh and wonder why you married her. I'm too familiar with her personality to think she's bad. She is straightforward rather than rough. She's an artless young lady. Promise you’ll love her forever."
Pan Yue slapped Pan Lei on the shoulder.
"Baby Brother, you are so wonderful. I was right to help you fight when you were young."
"What else? Yeah! Big Sis, Big Brother-in-law, it’s 2000 yuan for me to call you Big Brother-in-law. It'll be double if my Tian'er refers to you as Big Brother-in-Law. Isn't it proper that if such a precious person opens his golden mouth, the price will inevitably double? Four thousand. I won't let him recognize you for anything less, not even a fen." {T/N: fen is equivalent to cent/penny.}
Pan Yue instantly exploded.
"You've joined forces to rob. Stop dreaming; you're not going to get any money!"
Tian Yuan gave them a sweet smile.
"I wish you a wonderful life, Big Sis and Big Brother-in-law. Give birth to a son soon[3]."
Pan Yue patted her pockets and Li Shimin's pockets, finding three thousand yuan, and almost gave Tian Yuan their rings as well.
"It’s my younger sister-in-law that’s sensible. Don't worry, sis-in-law. Big Sis doesn't have much money right now. When we have a baby, I will have twins and give you one as a son."
"Give him to us when he’s grown up. I’ll look after him and raise him as if he were my son over the years. I don’t want another child."
Footnotes:
[1] jiěfu: older sister's husband. I’ll be using Big Brother-in-law for the same.
[2] Wife's younger brother. I’ll be using Little Brother-in-law for this.
Thank you for the update! Lol pan yue finally married
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