Ding Xiaocuo[1] played truant for three consecutive days. She felt like an ant on a hot pan as she squatted in the third-floor men's restroom of the largest and most luxurious movie theater in the city center, sighing deeply in front of a toilet bowl. The reason? She had lost the Lingxi[2] sword entrusted to her care by her shifu!
This was just too unlucky! The sword had always been in the form of a small glowing orb, lying in the pendant of her necklace, hanging around her neck for centuries. During this time, she had experienced countless intense movements, such as being thrown into the air like a bowling ball by her shifu, such as participating in school sports events, and so on, and yet, the chain seemed unbreakable as if it were part of her. Little did she know that the other night, after watching a screening of "Avatar" and feeling an urge to answer the call of nature, she slipped into the men's restroom of the cinema to relieve herself. Just as she was about to lift the toilet seat, something inexplicable happened – the pure-gold chain around her neck unexpectedly broke and fell into the toilet.
The toilet cover hadn't been lifted at the time, meaning the chain carrying the Lingxi sword had passed through the thick lid and disappeared… Her drunkard shifu had once emphatically told her, 'Where the sword is, you better be; if the sword isn't there, get lost as far as you can for forever!' She was done for; this time she was truly done for. If her stingy shifu found out that she had won a "Avatar" 3D IMAX movie ticket in a bet but hadn't turned it over to the old man, coupled with losing the Lingxi sword… These two major offenses would not be forgiven even if she hanged herself a hundred times. What to do? Seek help from someone in the jianghu[3]!
Of course, besides me, the millennium-old tree demon running a dessert shop, who else could help her? After forcing Ding Xiaocuo to buy a dozen sickeningly sweet vanilla sponge cakes, I told her that her chain had probably fallen into a space-time rift. To retrieve it, she had to follow it to 'that world.' She sneezed as she trembled with fear, clutching a whole box of vanilla sponge cakes as she went back.
The next day was a sunny Sunday. Fatty and Skinny waved brooms and rags Cinderella-style, hovering furtively around me and Jiu Jue as they tried to eavesdrop on our conversation.
I have to admit, after all these years, every time I see this man with naturally lake-blue hair, I secretly curse. This old ba$tard is still stunningly handsome! As early as when I first cultivated the human form, I got to know Jiu Jue. He often came to Fulong Mountain where I lived to play chess with another man. At that time, I hated how he called me 'little tree demon' all the time, but later, because of his repeated assistance, I safely got through many difficulties. Who says there's no true friendship between men and women? Jiu Jue and I are the leading figures in that regard!
"Can I interview you?" I sat opposite him, dramatically raising a half-eaten fruit cream cone and holding it out in front of him. "May I ask, is Ding Xiaocuo your disciple, or just passerby A owing you money, or perhaps ruffian B?"
"Disciple," Jiu Jue replied, taking a sip of the red wine in his glass. His drink of choice has always been wine, nothing else. I withdrew my 'microphone,' raising an eyebrow in questioning, "Since when does a shifu deliberately prank their disciple? That chain carrying the Lingxi sword is clearly your doing! Setting her up to come to me for help, that's also your intentional trap!"
"A disciple's spare time role is to be pranked by their shifu. She brought it upon herself by pocketing the ticket for 'Avatar'!"
"Your personality is indeed as perverted as your hair color."
"Thanks for the compliment. Your ice cream is melting."
I swallowed the cone in one gulp and said, not in the best mood, "Aren't you afraid of throwing her into another time like this? What if something goes wrong?"
"Don't forget she's a lingxi and has served under Yue Lao[4]. She can handle it. If she can't, then she deserves the misfortune," Jiu Jue said as he drank the Bawang[5] wine that he never paid me for, then asked, "Do you believe in fate?"
"I believe in fate, but I'm not resigned to it," I replied bluntly.
"Hehe," his gaze suddenly extended into the distance, "If given the chance to start over, can a predetermined fate be rewritten?"
"There are no ifs. What's happened cannot be changed," I shook my head.
"Not necessarily," Jiu Jue smirked cunningly and opened his palm. A small and exquisite vermilion lamp carved into the shape of a wing emerged.
"The Vermilion Bird Lamp of the Time-Watching Fairy?" I blurted out in shock, then immediately sat beside him like a thief and squinted, "Stolen?"
"Tch!" Jiu Jue disdainfully gave me a cold look. "I have countless fans across the Three Realms. How difficult can borrowing a lamp be!"
He poured the last drop of wine into his glass, swirling it around, and mumbled to himself, "Everyone has a place they must go to, a person they must meet, and emotions they must face squarely. Supernatural beings are no different."
His suddenly solemn expression quickly returned to his usual perverted one, and he grinned evilly, "Actually, I just want to conduct an experiment."
Ding Xiaocuo still couldn't accept the fact that she had been transported from one time and space to another through a toilet bowl. What was it that the wicked tree demon said to her? Right, she gave her a charm to stick on the toilet that swallowed her necklace and also asked her to chant some strange incantation. Then... countless sharp rays of light flashed before her eyes, and the toilet bowl in front of her "magnificently" split into two halves, revealing a hole emitting eerie white light. An inescapable suctional force surged out, tightly enveloping her, and yanked her into the hole.
She went from being a 21st-century high school girl to a grassroots commoner during the Qianxing[6] period of the Northern Song Dynasty! As she grumbled about this tacky phenomenon of 'time-travel' happening to her, she suddenly realized that the Lingxi sword had fallen through a rift in spacetime and landed in this ancient city, and as she took another step to realize that the people of the Northern Song Dynasty had no awareness of the Renminbi (Chinese currency)... Heavens have pity on her! She'll be hungry and need to eat!
In the various taverns and shops in the city, recruitment notices explicitly stated that they wanted males and not females. Luckily, she wasn't too foolish. She stole a set of men's clothes and after changing into them, strutted into this inn, and after offering to work for meals without pay, successfully squeezed out other applicants to become an intern waiter at this 'Yijian[7] Inn.'
Today is the seventh day, and there's still no news of the Lingxi sword. In these few days, the flow of people in Bianjing[8] has noticeably increased, with local residents and foreign merchants shuttling through the city like a tide. Ding Xiaocuo heard from the inn's staff that after seven days, the Lantern Festival[9] would be celebrated, and for this annual grand event, visitors from all walks of life come in droves.
So, is he here for sightseeing too? Ding Xiaocuo's gaze shifted towards a window-side seat. The man came to stay at the inn last night, his attire differing from the locals. He wore a high-collared, narrow-sleeved black robe, tall boots, and appeared travel-worn, carrying no unnecessary luggage. He only had a bundle, a long and narrow wooden box measuring three feet by one foot. The wooden box never left his side.
It was dinner time, and the inn was bustling with noise as guests streamed in for their meals. Ding Xiaocuo served the customers, occasionally stealing glances towards the window.
Leaning back in his chair, he tilted his head slightly. His dark, slightly curly hair was loosely tied at the back with a gray hemp rope. He appeared leisurely, gazing seemingly carefree at the scenery outside the window, the food and drink before him yet untouched. Outside, the brilliant setting sun cast a warm golden glow, backlighting the man's distinctive silhouette against the window. She was captivated, and his shadow seemed to move from the window into her heart, unexpectedly evoking a strange sense of longing.
"You little rascal! What are you daydreaming about? Customers are waiting!" The jerk of an innkeeper knocked on Ding Xiaocuo's head with his tobacco pipe.
"Yes, yes, yes!" Ding Xiaocuo, holding food and drinks, stopped in front of the man without even thinking about it. "Your order is here, sir!"
"Did you get it wrong?" The man turned his head and glanced at Ding Xiaocuo, who was all smiles, saying, "I didn't order this." It was only now that she could fully see his appearance. His face had all the qualifications to be identified as fēnɡ shén jùn lǎng[10]. In addition to being handsome, he was perfection[11] from head to toe, and had a calm and imposing aura. It was like a small beast secretly leaping into your heart. However, what snuck into Ding Xiaocuo's heart at this moment wasn't just that "small beast," but also his appearance, his voice, his every move…
"Do I... know you?" Ding Xiaocuo suddenly asked.
"I'm afraid you've mistaken me for someone else." He answered politely and in a low voice.
"I've definitely seen you before!" Ding Xiaocuo, driven by an inexplicable persistence and certainty, startled even herself. The man no longer paid attention to her, turning his head to the window. A crisp sound of approaching horse hooves came from a distance. A group of traveling merchants dressed in Hu-style[12] clothing hurriedly came from the north market. As they passed the inn, Ding Xiaocuo noticed a green-clothed woman seated atop a horse laden with goods, her face veiled by thin gauze. Amidst the dull and uniform dark colors, the jade-like green stood out, vivid and striking.
The horse team briefly stopped at the inn's entrance. The green-clothed woman dismounted, whispered a few words to her companions, and entered the inn alone. She took a seat opposite the man, appearing like an old friend. Ding Xiaocuo deliberately slowly carried the misdelivered meal to a nearby table, straining hard to listen to what was happening behind her.
"Where's the thing?" The woman's voice was gentle to the point of being sweet.
"Where's the person?" His hand rested on the wooden box.
The woman took out a letter from her bosom, covering it with her palm. When she moved it away, the thin envelope was embedded deep into the solid wooden table. Beneath the gauze veil, she lightly smiled and said, "Beitang Ken, they say you're a passionate soul, and indeed, for that woman Ye Nichang[13], you're willing to do anything."
Beitang Ken[14]? Ding Xiaocuo's hand slipped, and the wine jug tilted, spilling across the table. That name sounded incredibly familiar.
Seemingly unaffected by the sarcasm, he placed the wooden box in front of the woman with a swish, saying, "The Lingxi sword is yours."
Lingxi sword?! Ding Xiaocuo abruptly turned her head. The woman, with a smile at the corner of her eyes, raised her fingers in an orchid-like gesture and opened the wooden box. A glint of sharp light flashed from the box, accompanied by a "scent" that Ding Xiaocuo was all too familiar with.
The Lingxi sword! It was indeed the Lingxi sword! Although it now appeared in the form of a genuine sword, she was absolutely certain that the box contained the authentic Lingxi sword she had guarded for hundreds of years! It was truly a case of finding what you seek without any effort! Ding Xiaocuo couldn't contain the ecstasy in her heart. She tossed the tray aside and turned, her eyes glowing green[15] as she lunged towards the wooden box in the woman's hand…
Footnotes:
[1] 小错: small mistake. An intentional choice by the author for sure!
[2] 灵犀: rhinoceros horn, reputed to confer telepathic powers. Figuratively it means mutual sensitivity; tacit exchange of romantic feelings; a meeting of minds. It is often used metaphorically to describe a deep, intuitive understanding or connection between two individuals.
[3] Martial World or anyone wanting to operate outside of mainstream society or in the gray area of the law. It can also mean old experienced person; man of experience which is the case in this context.
[4] Same as yuè xià lǎo rén, god of marriage and love in Chinese mythology. He's famous for the Red Thread of Fate. The two people connected by the red thread are destined lovers, regardless of place, time, or circumstances. This magical cord may stretch or tangle, but never break.
[5] 霸王: hegemon; overlord; despot. Weird name for a wine so I used pinyin.
[6] 1022 AD
[7] 一 间 translates to "one room" or "a room."
[8] Bianjing is located in today's Kaifeng City, Henan Province. It was the capital of the Northern Song Dynasty and said to be the most prosperous and largest city in the world at that time.
[9] A Chinese traditional festival usually falling in February or early March on the Gregorian calendar, it marks the final day of the traditional Chinese New Year celebrations. It'll be on Feb 24, 2024.
[10] Often used to describe people (mostly men) who are energetic, handsome, and bright.
[11] hún rán tiān chéng: to be like nature itself; of the highest quality.
[12] The clothing of the northern barbarians of Ancient China.
[13] 叶霓裳: Ye is leaf; ní cháng is rainbow colored clothes worn by the Eight Immortals.
[14] 北堂垦: Bei is North. Tang is main hall or large room; of the same clan. Ken is reclaim; cultivate.
[15] Eyes glowing green describes someone being greedy, ill-intentioned, lustful etc.
Translator:
OMG, look at these footnotes! I typically try to avoid footnotes, but I think most of these were necessary.
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