Chapter 225 Mama Tian’s understanding of lóng fèng chéng xiáng
Pan Yue returned from Africa in a hurry, even more tanned, with tears in her eyes, and wearing an African indigenous tribe's bridal dress, which was a skirt made of hide and grass. She also wore a grass-woven crown adorned with flowers and ostrich feathers, which she stuffed into Tian Yuan's hand when she saw him.
"Laoniang is totally exhausted. I ran around Africa for a couple of months looking for this attire and eventually found a set. You can wear this dress to the wedding tomorrow."
Tian Yuan's brow twitched. Let's keep such sexy clothing for you. Let this black rose wear it when she marries, if she marries at all.
"Big sis, we've already prepared a wedding suit, so save this dress as a souvenir. You can wear it when you get married."
"Laoniang wants to get married in a bikini suit."
Pan Yue shook her head and sighed, filled with all kinds of jealousy and hate.
"You truly don’t want to consider me? Are you sure you want to get married to him? It's better for you to follow me rather than him."
"You will never marry in your life, if you ask me. How can a man like you with you like this? You keep saying "laoniang" all day, can't you be a little more gentle?"
Pan Lei stood guard before Tian Yuan. Pan Yue had long irritated him. He was betrayed by this woman. That whip that his father had given Tian Yuan to enforce family law was still hanging on the wall of their bedroom. He was horrified every time he saw it. It scared him the last time, so he blamed this woman.
"Pan Lei, you are wrong. Deputy Instructor, no, he’s been promoted to Instructor, has been secretly in love with big sis all along. Big Sis, all of his men will be attending the wedding, so you must dress up nicely. I promise the deputy instructor will fall in love with you at first sight, and we will be attending your wedding the next time."
How could Tian Yuan forget the deputy instructor? He'd remember the pot of stewed pig trotter with peanuts for the rest of his life. It was something women in confinement ate, yet the deputy instructor requested it from the cafeteria for him.
"You have a serious grudge towards the deputy instructor."
Pan Lei whispered into Tian Yuan's ear. Wasn’t this outright trickery?
Tian Yuan maintained his smile and said everything he could to push Pan Yue to the assistant instructor.
"Really? My mother said that she has prepared a little white dress for me. I need to dress pretty and get him fixed. Then, I’ll take him to my room at night. By this time next year, I will have let him become a father."
Mother Tian's teacup shattered with a clatter as this friend ended her bold words. Mother and Father Tian had been staying at Tian Yuan's residence for two days and were present when Pan Yue arrived. A number of friends arrived in succession, and Mother Tian was in charge of entertaining them. These children all appeared to be unusually attractive, tall, and smart, with distinct personalities. Mother Tian felt she'd seen everything, and she never anticipated they'd come across a girl here who was so wild that they couldn't accept it.
When Mother Tian heard this, she was about to serve tea and the teacup dropped from her hands.
She was terrified.
She was constantly rejoicing in her heart: Luckily, my son did not find me such a daughter-in-law, otherwise my heart couldn’t stand it.
"Leave it, Mom. I'll take care of it."
Pan Lei moved quickly, rushing his mother-in-law to the sofa beside Pan Yue. Despite the fact that the wedding was about to take place, he simply refused to go to the military compound. He had work here and would return only when everything was ready, then wait for Tian Yuan to pick him up the next day.
Pan Yue excitedly scooted up and wrapped her arm around Mother Tian's shoulders as Pan Lei went to clear up the trash.
"Even if you object now, Auntie, it's fine. You also want Tian Yuan to marry a woman, right? What do you think of him marrying me? I’ll give you a chubby grandson next year."
Mother Tian shrank back in fright.
"This is not a blessing I have. Leizi is excellent; I'm quite satisfied. He’s really good. Young lady, with your talent and personality, there will surely be boys who sincerely love you. Uhm, Leizi, didn't Xiao Yuan say there’s someone who likes her very much? You must introduce him to her at the earliest."
"Of course. I’d also like to have a brother-in-law. Then I’ll inform my brother-in-law that your wife stated it’s okay to beat one’s wife. If a wife is disobedient, a firm slap will bring her back into line. I’ll have my brother-in-law tidy you up. Let’s see whether you still dare to provoke our couple's feelings."
"This is absolutely unacceptable. A couple must not resort to violence. You can't be doing it, Leizi."
Mother Tian was quite terrified. A punch from Pan Lei was strong enough to break the bones of their family's Tian Yuan.
"Oh my God, Mom, he's joking. He doesn't dare, and he wouldn't even dare to touch my finger if someone gave him the courage. My mother-in-law has asked you to go over to their side when you arrive, big sis. They haven't seen you in ages and are eager to meet you. The entire family; all the uncles and aunts, everyone, has gathered in the military compound. I also saw your mother, and she misses you terribly."
Pan Yue clung tightly to Mother Tian's arm.
"I’m not going even if I'm beaten to death. They’re a bunch of Tang Seng[1]s who will chant(nag) me to death. I’ll spend the night here."
"There’s no room for you here. We have a room and our parents have another. Both you and my family's Jindou'er can sleep in the kennel."
Pan Lei was particularly annoyed with Pan Yue at the time. She’ll be meddlesome if she stays here.
"I'll make my bed in your room on the floor."
Huang Kai phoned.
"Hey! You're getting married, so you have to have a stag night, no excuses! Come on out for some drinks. Someone will be in charge of you later, so enjoy your last night as a bachelor."
"Someone has always been in charge of me, you moron. Even if we marry, we'll continue to live as we do now, so what's the difference? I'm not coming, and I'm not going to let him come either. What will I do if he drinks too much and oversleeps tomorrow and does not show up to marry me? It'll be so humiliating to run to the hotel by myself. No, thanks. We’ll stay at home and get a sense of cohabitation, and then we’ll be justified. A wife is not as good as a concubine, a concubine is not as good as a prostitute, and a prostitute is not as good as sneaking around[2], as the saying goes. You could say we’re having a clandestine love affair."
Tian Yuan whacked Pan Lei on the head after hearing him spew nonsense.
"Sneak around, your uncle! Say one more nonsense word, and see how I deal with you. We’re going. Huang Kai, we’re coming over. Zhang Hui’s place, right. Let's go."
"I'm coming too."
Pan Yue had to join in the fun. She couldn't play with any of the girls in the military compound since she was a child. She rarely came to China anymore, so how could she pass up the opportunity to play with this group of folks and have drinks with them?
Mother Tian shook her head. Am I too behind the times? After a few days of living here with her son, she discovered he was really happy. He had friends, a lover, and a comfortable and prosperous life. He was overjoyed to have someone with whom to share his life.
When the Tian couple first met this circle of pals, they thought they were good but also thought they were eccentric. They were getting old and couldn't keep up with their rhythm.
"Go put on your coat, baby. Are you really staying here today, big sis? I'll find you a bar, lest I worry about you climbing into my baby's bed in the middle of the night."
"You can't stay here today, Leizi, according to customs. It is inauspicious for the young couple to meet before their wedding. You must return home tonight. Did your mother not tell you this?"
They are getting married tomorrow, and according to tradition, the bride and groom are not allowed to stay together the day before their wedding. Since they got together, the young couple had been stuck together like glue, and no one said much when they began living together. This norm, however, must be obeyed now that they are getting married.
"I discussed it with my mother. I think it's outdated thinking, and there’s no need to respect it."
"Oh, my silly son, I'd rather you believe it. After you've finished drinking, send Tian Yuan back and return to the military compound. Come as agreed tomorrow."
Tian Yuan smiled as Pan Lei grasped his hair.
"We'll do what Mom and Dad say."
Pan Lei had no choice but to compromise. This way of thinking was too feudal and hence objectionable, but because they were getting married, it was best to attract auspiciousness so they would follow the tradition.
Pan Lei's clothes had already been delivered to the military compound. He had planned to wear a military uniform, but it didn't match with Tian Yuan's outfit, so he consented to wear a black suit instead. Ah, I haven't seen him in a suit yet. He’s sure to look dashing.
"Return early and don't drink too much. Tomorrow is a big day. Leizi, you should drink less, and you're bringing a girl, so don't overdo it. Take care of the girl."
Pan Lei held up his jacket and urged Tian Yuan to put it on before zipping it up for him. He patted Tian Yuan's shoulder.
"My spouse is so cool! Don't worry, Mom; we'll be home before twelve o'clock. Don't stay up for us. I'll bring him home and tuck him in before I leave."
Tian Yuan’s eyes narrowed with laughter. They were getting married, yet nothing had changed in their lives. They couldn't stay together today, but they'd be back to normal tomorrow. Pan Lei would still tuck him in before departing after ten thousand brief separations. It was wonderful.
"So sappy. I'll go get the car."
Pan Yue was the first to dash downstairs, and Pan Lei followed her, his arm over Tian Yuan's shoulders. Mother Tian shook her head and shut the door after looking at the "Happy" characters pasted on the door, the rhyming couplets, and the lóng fèng chéng xiáng[3].
"He’s finally getting married."
The house was calm, the walls and furniture were spotless, and everything was nicely tidied. Despite the fact that it was a wedding between two men, it appeared that a bridal house was being prepared, and "Happy" characters were pasted. Their mood would be less complex if their son was genuinely marrying a girl. When they learned that their son was marrying a man in such a high-profile manner, they felt a little helpless.
But they could see it plainly during their short days with Leizi and Xiao Yuan.
Pan Lei got up early every day to go for a run, then walked the dog and cooked breakfast when he got home. When the porridge was done, he would walk to the bedroom and call Tian Yuan for breakfast, repeatedly shouting baby, baby, while their son sat at the table in a daze. Despite his desire to prepare for the wedding, he had to attend class, and Pan Lei handled everything on his own, even sending Tian Yuan to work every day, even if it was out of the way. Tian Yuan had reached adulthood, but Pan Lei still hand fed him.
Pan Lei even said with a smile that Tian Yuan had hypoglycemia, and he was sluggish when he woke up in the morning, so he couldn't go without eating. "If I feed him, at least he eats a little more. Open your mouth, baby. Ahhh…"
Mother Tian thought Pan Lei handled this far better than she did. When Tian Yuan was a child and made a fuss about not eating, she beat him to make him eat more obediently in the future. Pan Lei was super attentive with her son.
Tian Yuan didn't go to class or the hospital as it was the day before the wedding, but Pan Lei still took care of everything.
"Let's not worry anymore. Our son is happy and has a good life."
That's right. Once a daughter is raised and married, old people like them can rest easy. Their son-in-law was good, really good, and they were relieved to see him treat Tian Yuan so well.
"Tell me, old man. Lóng fèng chéng xiáng: the dragon is male, and the fèng in fèng huáng is also a male bird[4]. Do you think this lóng fèng chéng xiáng is talking about men like our son and Leizi? Perhaps it’s meant for them(gays)."
Mother Tian expressed such sentiments out of the blue.
Father Tian's eyes widened in disbelief.
Footnotes:
[1] Tang dynasty Buddhist monk and translator, who traveled to India to fetch a set of Buddhist scriptures back to China for the purpose of spreading Buddhism. Tang Seng usually punishes the Monkey King (Wukong) by chanting the words of the headache spell (緊箍咒) to control Wukong, which causes the latter's headband to contract and give him acute headaches.
[2] A metaphor for "wanting something you can't have." Back in the day, it was socially acceptable(excepted actually) for men to have a wife and multiple concubines, but they still sought prostitutes. This proverb captures the male psyche of seeking the thrill of "cheating."
[3] The dragon and phoenix are symbols of good fortune (idiom); auspicious; auspicious symbols.
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